||[Apr. 8th, 2006|10:28 am]
im tired of feigning optimism for the masses.
Doll Parts by Hole is currently the soundtrack to my mood. isn't courtney love deceptively fragile.
I've made several realisations over the last few weeks. And increasingly i feel as though my place in the world is increasingly pointless, but then, we all live pointless lives. I'll probably be seen as a depressed emo kid for stating that point, but fuck it. At least I feel.
I'm currently swept up in Bill Hick's view of the world, and ideas for peace and evoloution of mankind.
I'm currently suspended in that 90's-ish alt indie music movement. Pavement's 'Terror Twilight' providing enough interest and slant on a dead genre. I dare say that Neutral Milk Hotel would make me feel worse.
Everything is a constant reminder of the way things used to be, and although non-specific, a part of me longs for the way things used to be. Maybe a part of me wants to be nostalgic, its easier to be nostalgic than content.
Perhaps I've chosen to be this way.
Perhaps I've isolated myself through my choices.
Perhaps its all my fault.
People don't take enough responsibilities these days. I guess it politically incorrect to blame yourself for something. I'll take my share on the chin.
I've become everything i wanted, and yet, what i wanted wasn't happiness. Or so it seems.
"what use is economic growth when the seas are rising to engulf you?" exactly.
I want to clear my head, and my heart. The mistakes i've made this year (inclusive of the last) have like cold wind bitten me to the bone. My bones feel weak and bruised, i want desperatley to escape, but the soloution temptation provides is only temporary.
remember that band placebo, not the one that one post a greatest hits album, but the band that had integrity, yeah well one lyric cuts through the dull static within my mind.
The past will catch you up as you run faster.
(dont correct me if thats not exactly right)
there is no point in what i am saying.
and i have no idea how this might be read.
dont feel sorry for me. dont feel sympathy or empathy.
be yourself, and i will too.
of modern music